And when the night descends the birds huddle down and face the winds.
When you face the storm you can see what’s coming, you can lean in to it and keep your balance and consequently you are better able to equip yourself and conquer life’s challenges.
It’s time to face the storm and face your fears!
Here’s my story….
When I was in my late twenties I had a full on battle with firstly insomnia followed by fear, until the two merged together and I became very similar to a stuffed, mute, zombie.
I got help from friends, I got help from family members, I got help from the bible, I got help from great non fiction books, I got help from everywhere and anywhere. Sadly nothing seemed to do me any good, I would lie awake for hours at night afraid of fear itself.
Finally after approx two years of this morbid, depressing pattern, one night, I got out of my bed as usual unable to sleep. I felt like I had a soaring temperature, my whole body seemed to be on fire with fear. As I sat simply shaking and tormented, I decided this fear had to end, so why not simply walk into the ocean and then finally a cold, deep sleep would envelop my being. A sure fire way to escape this awful anxiety.
Hmm, I had three children and a great family and home and husband. I think they all wanted and needed me??
Option one: off the list!
Option two: I decided on, after a bit of thought and planning.
I gathered together all my ongoing information, books, counselling, friends advice, tape recordings, (yes.. tape recordings that’s how long ago this was) even the bible was closed and put away.
Every fearful thought I decided must be negated and put to rest.
I went back to bed, took a huge breath
………and in my mind, I went for a walk amongst a most beautiful field of daisies. The centre of each daisy was so yellow it shone like the sun, the white petals gleamed like the Arctic snow.. The simple daisy swished and wavered in the gentle breezes of a spring day.
Ahhhh fear entered…You won’t get to sleep tonight,
NO, no, ….I’m walking among the fields of flowers, daisies, lilies, dandelions, the sun warms my skin, the clouds like white fluffy balls, float through the sky, the birds swoop and soar in the distance. I walk and breathe in the scent of the flowering field.
Ahhhh you won’t get to sleep…remember me, your old negative thought patterns…
NO, no no…. I’m now going horse, riding, I put my bridle on my horse’s nose, I took the heavy brown leather saddle and threw it over his back. I tied the girth strap and talked gently to my horse telling him I loved him and today we are going to ride over the hill and through the river bed. He snorted softly and looked my way to see if I had another apple in my hand. Of course I did, he ate it closing his big eyes in thankfulness. I got the bridle and led him to the open gate. I put my foot into the stirrup and flung myself up and over, gently prodding his sides I said, “Let’s go!” We began our journey, climbing higher, through dry sandy coloured grass and then reaching the summit where the wind blew stronger and cleared my heart and soul.
Ahhh remember darkness your old friend, I’ve come to haunt you again!
NO, no, ….I’m off for a swim in the balmy blue ocean waters, towel in hand and straw sun hat on my head. Always the windy breezes, clearing the way, refreshing my thoughts and mind, cleaning away the daily tasks. Oh how I love the wind! I hear and see the seabirds soaring down from their heights, often landing nearby, they are flying from nowhere, heading somewhere. I lay out my towel and take off my hat, the sun indeed is beginning to bring a few beads of sweat to my face and my cheeks are red from walking down the winding beach track……ooohh to cool off will be so very delectable, I saunter into the blue, vivid, sparkling sea. Lowering my hot body into the water and washing away the day’s vibes. I begin to swim along the shoreline and am feeling so cleansed and beautiful. My feet touch the sandy bottom. My mind embraces the distant horizon, where I see a white sail, heading east. My thoughts relax, and slowly start to enjoy the moment….
What I was doing was replacing all those negative thoughts with new thoughts.
Roms 12.2. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
And by the way it was not easy, it felt like a fight, that I must win. But win I did. I slept soundly that night for the first time in months.
Then the next night the battle began again and again the next night, I was facing the storm front on, and defeat was not an option.
A determination took over my being. In a few weeks I found I had a reasonable control of my thought patterns and it was imperative that it stay that way.
To this day I have never had trouble with those particular thought patterns again. I have faced other issues, and once again have had to be courageous and strong.
One good thought can replace one horrible thought, with Gods help all things are possible. Life is a journey of faith. Doing the impossible and proving that it is possible.
My photographs are of the beautiful ocean birds who either seem to fly high and have fun in a storm or get down low and brace themselves head on to the storm.
Think on those things which are good and noble, and rest and trust that everything will be okay.
